daily

So easily frustrated.
Quickly, I've become annoyed.
Sleeping while the sun is up
Sun bathing in the rain.

When the lights are on you're invisible.
As if the brightness brought stars.
Repelled from all my corners.
I'm sure tomorrow will be the same.

Straight Edge

When I say I get it, I don't. I just cant possibly comprehend why someone would want to broadcast the issues they have with insecurity and substance abuse. As far as I am concerned, in a ridiculously extremist way; pretending to be the only human exempt of humanity is just not a possibility.
As humans we are naturally drawn to temptation. The feeling of temptation can be visualized in many forms. It doesn't have to be materialized in the form of alcohol or drugs or obsession. When you abstain from temptation that is visually encouraged by a partially conservative society, feelings of urgency and temptation are soon to follow. Deciding to explore the possibility of humanity outside of what we are brought up to believe; it is only natural. Coinciding with the nature of our growth is clumsy misconceptions and stumbles along the way.
Growing up in a broken home, you learn that there is no such thing as normal. Not until I knew what function meant was I aware of what exactly "being normal" would imply.
If you are aware of the fact that your body and mind don't respond to well to alcohol, then don't indulge in alcohol.
If you are aware of that fact that your body responds negatively to drugs of a certain category, then don't take them.
That just so happens to be your own personal choice! For you to try and impress it upon me in a condescending kind of way, is just despicable.
I am not you!
You as an individual trying to impress your opinions upon me, is equal to a preacher trying to impress God upon me. You are no better or worse than any religious preacher. Your opinion is no more valid than another educated being willing to learn. If you cannot comprehend that there is more than one way to live life then it is going to be even harder to understand that as similar as all animals are we are not at all the same. We are all individuals.
We are all made up of completely different people that in no way could have dictated or comprehended the way their offspring would have turned out.
We as people need to explore diversity. We need to explore humanity in order to be able to understand the differences and cope with the consequences of being aware.
Once you realize that you are different from the pack, you become aware of the fact that you can see a side of yourself in everyone.

march

Walking out of the truckstop(only place with a bathroom clean enough to pee in) loud country music blaring as I exit. If this were a song on my life soundtrack it would be obvious that I was making an epic mistake. However, as answers to unasked questions run through my head I'm thinking this is appropriate. I just had the best three days of my life with 3+ of my favorite people.

I am looking

The expression.
It looks to an outsider's point of view, that there is a lot going on. Inside your brain, muscles are shifting and pulsing with reactions of stress and fear.
Yet, something deep within my heart tells me that this is just not the case.
Maybe there are welts of jealousy on my skin.
Where within the figure that stands in view of me would one find cualities deserving of envy. Perhaps that from the outside in you have a self that is your own.
Possibly it is within the nature of femininity that all should suffer from an uneasy sense that we have no self.
All things learned are taught. The things we were taught came from sources less pure. Ulterior motives below the surface of warmth and console.

San francisco is windy. Scary wind. Scary rain. I wish the ocean felt safer. It sounds like I'm in the ocean outside. Like waves are crashing above our roofs.

lost in thought

In the ways that we are different we are exactly the same. The want to understand you, aids in my own personal need to label and understand myself. Within lies the conflict. By no means would I consider a personal goal of mine to be the abilty to fit neatly into a little square-boxical gategory of life.
But I seem to position many people in these boxes. Like the categories of a drag ball. "Most original. Authenticity plays a major role. Authintic becomes what I strive to be. Authentic is the goal.

rain rain

Better suited for silence.
I'm sure that's what they said.
To many words fall from the mouth
Of the girl with the empty head.

behind

Its so easy to call a person a friend. Yet the definition of the term is so unclear.
In my opinion friends are not always friendly. Vice versa.
Being friendly doesn't make a person kind.
Food for thought.
I am crazing ramen.