who me?

I would love to see the world through your eyes. I'm afraid it wouldn't appear much different than it does on the surface.
What is most frustrating is to know that you really think you know it all. You sit all high and pretty thinking you know what is making the worlds clock tick. Let me tell you sir. You know just as little as your cohorts. You surround yourself with "good" people. In all reality they are just as dramatic and blind as you are. So closed off to the world. What is it you think you are learning? What is it you think these experiences will do for your life in the long run?
Sit around and do nothing. No one remembers a know it all. Except for the people who tried to know it all.
Shot down from the take off. What's done is done. So let's not pretend any words are left to be said.

look

The best and worst advice I ever received was in the form of a quotation. A very wise woman said it first and another wise woman passed it onto me.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." A mighty high place to put the bar if you ask me. In theory this should be the motto of every single woman. The world would be a much calmer place. The only problem is I'm not consenting to anything.

So why do I have this feeling in my gut. Like I just got punched hard from behind. The air taken from my lungs with a force I didn't know existed. In under 45 minutes my self esteem shattered. All at the hands of others.

So silly it is to have feelings visible enough to be hurt by others. A childish mistake I thought I was wise enough to avoid. Immaturity there to look me in the face once more. A cruel reminder that the direction I've been going is only taking me in circles.

I'm focusing on a quick fix. Something to hold me over until I get to some sort of plateau. In stead of growth I have forced myself back into old habits out of fear. The only question I have is how do I get back on track?

now

You thought it was about you before. Well then I guess I am on a roll.
Dancing through the drunken dramatics of the night. Spinning past parked cars. The streets pass like the years gone by.
The important questions always left unanswered. Nothing can be said to make it any better. So the tears fall without a witness. Only letting the sadness out through my fingertips. If ears were willing to hear, I could whisper words so crisp. So precise.
Yet night after night a void is left. Parked sitting and waiting. Perfect timing never arrives. Fading with the summer sky. Back again like clockwork. All I want are answers to questions I cant ask. I cant find the voice to speak the words.

This Girl

There have been more than a few occasions recently where I have really missed Clyde. Waking up in the morning isn't the same with nothing keeping your feet warm. Socks just don't cut it.
Clyde and I had an interesting friendship. From the outside it may have appeared as though I hated Clyde. This is just not the case. I just take a little while to warm up.

Let the truth be known. I loved Clyde. He is the only one that has ever really listened to me. Listened with no prejudice. He had no choice really, but he never stopped paying attention. No matter how many times I pushed him away. He always came back. He spoke with his actions. He just wanted to experience my love. No matter how many attempts at attaining this it took. He would always return. The bruised ego at the doorway.

Walking from the bus today I started to think about clyde. Excited to be alone in my house for just a moment. Sit down and take off my shoes in silence. All of the times I took his companionship for granted. These days, I would kill for Clyde to come running down the hall hearing my car pull up in the alley way. Walking up the stairs hearing his meow at the front door.
I would give everything to sit on the couch for hours and pet him. Spoon him from the evening into the afternoon. Lay in bed with him and a book on a rainy day. Play fetch with him while getting ready in the morning. He never gave up on me.

attention span

Day and night. I see shapes in the paint drips. I see future rips in the fabric of the foundation. I lie awake. Thinking is it me? Wondering if its me? Podering the fact it might just be me.

Randomly I will walk into the boldness of the light. Shortly before I fall back to the soft misshapen spot I was before. Just intime to mind myself in darkness. Outlining the shadows in my doorway.

We as people need to pay more attention to our hands. For how much they do we show them very little favor.

all

Sitting here on my cloud covered dream I see only stars. Shining so brightly above me. What I don't know is that the stars are all boiling. Hitting high notes that tempt even the most frugal of men. Temptation lie in those stars.
I fight hard against the thick of the mess. I am however unwillingly drawn to its fluorescence. The very being of me. Gone

in depth

Inside my head.
Inside my heart.
Inside is soul.
Overwhelming and out of control.
Taken over
Feeling it from my fingers
To my toes.
This will forever be all I know.

I've seen this place before
In your arms
All over the floor.
I can't seam to reach the doors.

For the time being
You and I.
We own the night.
From here until
Every other tuesday
For the rest of our lives.
I hold inside.
You are mine.