I should be sleeping. NO! I should be doing homework. I should be cleaning my room. I should be writing due dates in my planner. I should be doing laundry.
I shouldn't be drinking this beer. I shouldn't be a smoker. I shouldn't have gone to see the get up kids last night.
However, I am always will be and am so glad that I did.
Monday, January 31, 2011
this day
Has been so weird.
Being broke in the city is really hard. I suppose being broke anywhere is hard. However, here I feel like im not supposed to succeed. Maybe its just the feeling of knowing that this city is not my life. People spend years trying to make this city home. Some will conquer. I just don't want to.
I love the cold air. I love the ocean. I love walking the streets knowing I am in San Francisco. I love the tall buildings. I love they mystery of this city. I love that I feel like I'm walking around in someones unfinished novel.
I just don't like the bus. I don't like the discontent on the faces of the people I see every day. On the bus. On the sidewalk. In stores. I don't like being afraid. I don't enjoy the discomfort.
This city has a way of lifting me up when I don't see it as a possibility. It also has the ability to make me feel like my nerves are on a frail wire hanging over the edge of a razor blade. Like nothing is in my control. Temptation on every corner.
It could be so easy to fall if you let go for even a second. Keeping a tight grasp of reality is hard. I live in a technicolor dream state. Painful pitiful precious.
I think I just need a pet. Maybe more space. Less bus rides. I am thinking more than necessary.
Being broke in the city is really hard. I suppose being broke anywhere is hard. However, here I feel like im not supposed to succeed. Maybe its just the feeling of knowing that this city is not my life. People spend years trying to make this city home. Some will conquer. I just don't want to.
I love the cold air. I love the ocean. I love walking the streets knowing I am in San Francisco. I love the tall buildings. I love they mystery of this city. I love that I feel like I'm walking around in someones unfinished novel.
I just don't like the bus. I don't like the discontent on the faces of the people I see every day. On the bus. On the sidewalk. In stores. I don't like being afraid. I don't enjoy the discomfort.
This city has a way of lifting me up when I don't see it as a possibility. It also has the ability to make me feel like my nerves are on a frail wire hanging over the edge of a razor blade. Like nothing is in my control. Temptation on every corner.
It could be so easy to fall if you let go for even a second. Keeping a tight grasp of reality is hard. I live in a technicolor dream state. Painful pitiful precious.
I think I just need a pet. Maybe more space. Less bus rides. I am thinking more than necessary.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
bus seat
Sitting beside me is my doubt.
My denial.
The fact that the world is not perfect.
The sky's are not always blue.
Sitting beside me is my bubble.
So comfortably empty.
Numb to the void.
Tempted. Dissected. Ruined.
Lost.
My denial.
The fact that the world is not perfect.
The sky's are not always blue.
Sitting beside me is my bubble.
So comfortably empty.
Numb to the void.
Tempted. Dissected. Ruined.
Lost.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
luvah bee
Speechless.
Words.
They do so little justice to the emotions I want to express. I am overwhelmed with feelings of joy and love and warmth. I'm nervous with excitement. This life is difficult but the people we chose to share it with make all of the difference.
Now to plan the speech.
Words.
They do so little justice to the emotions I want to express. I am overwhelmed with feelings of joy and love and warmth. I'm nervous with excitement. This life is difficult but the people we chose to share it with make all of the difference.
Now to plan the speech.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
on the bus
Yesterday on the bus I was irritated. I was in my technological universe the entire way home. The only people I noticed were two girls. They were pretty hard to miss.
Two twentysomething asian girls. One had long straight black hair pulled back into a low pony-tail. The other had long straight hair with bangs pulled up into a high bun. They were wearing the same sweater, different colors. The exact shoe, in different colors. The same jeans and the same glasses. It was like something out of the twilight zone. They were sitting the same way with their hands folded in their laps. They weren't sisters...maybe they were.
To the point!
I only noticed these girls based on their strange mannerisms. Too strange not to notice. Today even though I was still on the shuffle, I noticed everything! I was just happy to be on the bus in San Francisco. Its been 6months and I'm just as excited. I'm out of the child like joy and excitement stage and onto the next one. I guess we could call the the public transportation phase....
Two twentysomething asian girls. One had long straight black hair pulled back into a low pony-tail. The other had long straight hair with bangs pulled up into a high bun. They were wearing the same sweater, different colors. The exact shoe, in different colors. The same jeans and the same glasses. It was like something out of the twilight zone. They were sitting the same way with their hands folded in their laps. They weren't sisters...maybe they were.
To the point!
I only noticed these girls based on their strange mannerisms. Too strange not to notice. Today even though I was still on the shuffle, I noticed everything! I was just happy to be on the bus in San Francisco. Its been 6months and I'm just as excited. I'm out of the child like joy and excitement stage and onto the next one. I guess we could call the the public transportation phase....
juniper
Puzzle pieces for today.
Will end up the sums of tomorrow.
Circles among squares.
The shapes melt to one another.
All pictures.
They don't fit the description.
Down the road.
Effervescent waves of destination.
In direct vision.
When I finally open my eyes it is perfection.
Will end up the sums of tomorrow.
Circles among squares.
The shapes melt to one another.
All pictures.
They don't fit the description.
Down the road.
Effervescent waves of destination.
In direct vision.
When I finally open my eyes it is perfection.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
tuesday
Tuesday started out stressful. It stayed stressful until about 4:30pm. 8+ hours of orientation later and I finally have all of my classes picked out for spring semester. I feel an immense sense of relief but I am also horrified.
I met a few nice people. Being the idiot that I am I only vaguely remember their names. I remember their majors and what they looked like though so that is a start.
Today starts another day. I am most excited to have my thoughts consumed with schoolwork. Maybe then I can shake these anxious pains in my chest.
I met a few nice people. Being the idiot that I am I only vaguely remember their names. I remember their majors and what they looked like though so that is a start.
Today starts another day. I am most excited to have my thoughts consumed with schoolwork. Maybe then I can shake these anxious pains in my chest.
Monday, January 3, 2011
seaweed salad
As the earth still spins.
The ocean still breaths.
We move as the sea.
Waves of rain.
Drops of salt.
Holding it up.
Hoping the world will be still.
Honing in on the breath.
Desperate for a bubble.
Back to back.
Fourth and found.
Inches from the shells.
Pebbles in the nautilus.
Blocked from casualties.
High tides leave.
Hiding spots uncovered.
Homes.
Broken to the bone.
The ocean still breaths.
We move as the sea.
Waves of rain.
Drops of salt.
Holding it up.
Hoping the world will be still.
Honing in on the breath.
Desperate for a bubble.
Back to back.
Fourth and found.
Inches from the shells.
Pebbles in the nautilus.
Blocked from casualties.
High tides leave.
Hiding spots uncovered.
Homes.
Broken to the bone.
mondays
Sitting down, and I swear I am thinking. All of the things I have on my mind are running all at once. Numb to the stress of one too many thoughts.
It could be too early to call the day. However, I am pretty set that the title of today would be dark and stormy. Like the drink but subtract the alcohol and add some green.
Who's ready for a 15 hour nap?
It could be too early to call the day. However, I am pretty set that the title of today would be dark and stormy. Like the drink but subtract the alcohol and add some green.
Who's ready for a 15 hour nap?
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Today.
I am going to try something new....
At first I thought every day for the year of 2011 I would come up with a nail polish title. Not the same over used sexist titles. New fresh exciting titles.
Today would have been: Along the coast of San Pedro.
In stead I am going to try to blog about the day every day.
Maybe a picture.
The possibilities.
At first I thought every day for the year of 2011 I would come up with a nail polish title. Not the same over used sexist titles. New fresh exciting titles.
Today would have been: Along the coast of San Pedro.
In stead I am going to try to blog about the day every day.
Maybe a picture.
The possibilities.
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