march

Walking out of the truckstop(only place with a bathroom clean enough to pee in) loud country music blaring as I exit. If this were a song on my life soundtrack it would be obvious that I was making an epic mistake. However, as answers to unasked questions run through my head I'm thinking this is appropriate. I just had the best three days of my life with 3+ of my favorite people.

I am looking

The expression.
It looks to an outsider's point of view, that there is a lot going on. Inside your brain, muscles are shifting and pulsing with reactions of stress and fear.
Yet, something deep within my heart tells me that this is just not the case.
Maybe there are welts of jealousy on my skin.
Where within the figure that stands in view of me would one find cualities deserving of envy. Perhaps that from the outside in you have a self that is your own.
Possibly it is within the nature of femininity that all should suffer from an uneasy sense that we have no self.
All things learned are taught. The things we were taught came from sources less pure. Ulterior motives below the surface of warmth and console.

San francisco is windy. Scary wind. Scary rain. I wish the ocean felt safer. It sounds like I'm in the ocean outside. Like waves are crashing above our roofs.

lost in thought

In the ways that we are different we are exactly the same. The want to understand you, aids in my own personal need to label and understand myself. Within lies the conflict. By no means would I consider a personal goal of mine to be the abilty to fit neatly into a little square-boxical gategory of life.
But I seem to position many people in these boxes. Like the categories of a drag ball. "Most original. Authenticity plays a major role. Authintic becomes what I strive to be. Authentic is the goal.

rain rain

Better suited for silence.
I'm sure that's what they said.
To many words fall from the mouth
Of the girl with the empty head.

behind

Its so easy to call a person a friend. Yet the definition of the term is so unclear.
In my opinion friends are not always friendly. Vice versa.
Being friendly doesn't make a person kind.
Food for thought.
I am crazing ramen.

gaps in thought

My mouth has a habit of moving too quickly.
Its instinct. Not aiding in protection.
It surely isn't a survival mechanism. What the purpose of my quick moving mouth is, I have yet to discover. Considering I have only barely been able to tame it I am somewhat certain it is bound to serve a greater purpose.
Still waiting.
Still.